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January 2, 2005 - 12:36 PM  Once upon a time, I used to be a paperboy for the Calgary Sun. Although I would never describe myself as a morning person, it never really bothered me having to get up at 5:15 AM every morning, Monday to Friday. I could even sleep in on the weekends until 6:15! Winter or Summer, dry summer heat or slushy winter cold, I would get up every morning before the sun to deliver the Sun. It was a quiet time of the day, most people were still sleeping, and I would usually use this time to do a lot of reflection and listen to music. I found a simple pleasure those early mornings as well, eating sunflower seeds. Each morning I would fill up my left pocket with Seasoned flavoured Spitz before heading out into the neighbourhood. Now anyone who has ever chewed a significant amount of sunflower seeds knows that every once in a while, for all the good ones, occasionally you will get an extra tasty seed. And that flavour usually seems to last over the next 3 or 4 other spitz. But, once in a while you will get a rotten one that will just about turn your mouth inside out, and even if you spit everything out, you can still taste the bitterness for a few minutes. Life's experiences are a lot like sunflower seeds. Most of them are pretty decent. Every so often you encounter one you really like and that tastes good, but once in a while you also experience something that turns your stomach sour - You learn something you really didn't want to know. You think you know some people, and suddenly some information comes to you and you see something you really did not care to see. 
This year's New Years' celebrations were by far the quietest, most un-eventful
New Year's event I've been to in many years. I spent New Years' eve with Bo
and we just watched a couple of movies. (Napoleon Dynamite and Trailer Park
Boys episodes) It was too cold to go out anywhere and neither of us wanted to
spend money... Sean had some friends over, Graham had apparantly moved Andrea
in with them for a while too so she was over. Ashley stopped by with a laptop
she wanted me to look at, and it was otherwise just another night at the Hills'
house. Bo and I went around and clinked glasses with everyone at midnight but
other than that it was very quiet, especially in light of previous years'
celebrations. Jason was going to come over as well but I think he ended up
staying in Red Deer for New Years, and Luke spent it at home. Like I said, a
very quiet New Years.
Bo and I went shopping yesterday as he needed to buy a new camcorder. His old
one apparantly doesn't work anymore unless you hit it, so he's giving it to me
and if I can fix it, I can have it. (Although I don't think I have to give it
back to him if I can't... hehe) I bumped into Cindy at Market Mall and met her
new boyfriend... (Cindy is Diana's sister) First meal of the year: Subway at
Market Mall. Tom
phoned Bo and asked if he would come over for a bit so after we went shopping
we went over to Tom's appartment and hung out with him for a bit. Then I
came home in my nice warm van and went to sleep. Now I'm trying to figure out
what I want to do today, Rob asked me to come over and take a look at one of
his computers... Apparantly it's a piece-together from Lee's and Shannon's old
computers that has no OS on it. So I will probably go do that in a bit. I also
need to get something to eat! It's 2:00 already and I'm starving. I think
cereal sounds good.January 04, 2005 - 10:19 PM I got stabbed in the eye with the spoon end of a slurpee straw by a 5-year-old! ... Which was kind of funny, since now everyone is asking me how I cut my eye. It's a little embarassing to admit that it was the work of a slurpee straw wielding preschooler... But it makes for a good story none the less. Two nights ago Brooklyn and I were flicking slurpee ice at each other, and in a combination of chance and 'wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time', I turned around right as she went to flick and you'd be amazed at how sharp those slurpee straws can actually be! I sure was! hehehe But it doesn't hurt, and I keep forgetting I have it until people remind me all the time... New years this year was, for me anyways, the quietest New Years I've ever celebrated. I spent the night at Bo's place, and we watched movies up till midnight, then went around the house clinking glasses with everyone and shortly thereafter returned to our movies. About three or so we passed out and that was it. Nothing terribly exciting... We went shopping the next day and he bought himself a new camcorder. He's giving me his old one to fix if I can, (and I can...) so I will soon have my own camcorder (finally!) hehehe Which will be nice too because I've got some old HI8 tapes that I'd love to watch again... Some old Pine Lake stuff and whatnot. Most of it is pretty boring stuff, but there is the odd TORNADO in there... hehe I've been trying to go to bed earlier these days, and so far it seems to be working somewhat, but with Luke and Jason gone now I have nobody to come wake me up and tell me to turn off my alarm clock anymore! So it's practically useless... I came home from work tonight and they've got our street marked off 'no parking' for the night. According to the signs (and you can't believe everything you read, I realize) somebody is moving a house down our street tonight. Now first of all, I don't know of many 'portable' houses in my neighbourhood. And second, I think if I WAS going to move a house, I'd definitely pick nicer weather to do it in! But, to each his own I guess... My brother gets back from England tomorrow so I'm going to go to the airport to see him in. Hard to believe he's been gone two weeks! (For so many different reasons) Man oh man am I tired. I smashed my knee up tonight too, adding yet another reason to get to bed sooner than later. It "works" still, but it really hurts to move it. Swine knee... Anyhow, I know it's been a few days since I updated the Window to my World so there you have a snapshot of the last couple of days. Of course, as with any image, it is flat and narrow and hardly ever tells the whole story... Which of course is very true of this proverbial image also. But a picture IS worth a thousand words, and I think I must be close to that here also.  So on that
note, goodnight. January 6, 2005 - 7:27 PM  The globe-trotter returns home. After spending three weeks in Jolly Ol' England, Blair returned home to the snow and ice and his puppy who, as you can see, is all ready for bed. That silly puppy loves his comfort, let me tell you! He's such a cute puppy! And, I was very pleased to learn that Blair took nearly 600 pictures while he was in England.
Not a bad job I do say. I will have to go through them with him and put up the 'best of' for you to see. I looked through
them this morning and some of them are pretty good. Interestingly enough, I was noticing too that a lot of the scenery there
doesn't look all that much different than our scenery here (minus the snow, of course.)I stayed home sick today, and after looking outside this afternoon I was a tad bit more glad I did too. Apparantly highway 1 is closed outside the city, both East and West bound, Deerfoot trail was a mess today, and was closed North and South of the city also... I have to say though, it was quite a nice feeling sitting inside a warm house, looking through a snow-spattered window at the blizzarding snow outside and feeling nothing but warmth inside... (Warm, and sick that is)... So far I haven't thrown up yet but I haven't hardly eaten anything today either, so I'm not sure if that's much of a feat at this point. I don't know if I'll go in tomorrow, I've actually been working from bed today. You have got to love a job where you can do your work from your own bed... Every so often I catch a glimpse of a life I'd like to have. For an instant I'll see an image, a scene, a picture of that which I would like to someday have. A home. A family of my own. Someone to come home to. Why is it you always want what you don't have? Is it a degree? We seek those things which we have not more than we enjoy those which we have? Will I always long for things I lack? What if I lacked nothing? Would I then want to lack something? Just about everybody I know is messed up, one way or another - and I am no exception. Why is it that it's always easier to solve someone else's problems than your own? Why is it you can clearly see the solution to another's situation but are stumped when you find yourself stuck in the exact same situation? Why do I sit here and ponder questions to which there may well be no answers? Is it our curiosity that drives us in all things? I wonder  And now for something completely different: For years I have run a desktop PC using Windows 98, nestled safely behind a Linux firewall / router. I've never had any anti-virus software on it, nor have I ever had a need - until today. It would seem that I must have downloaded some spyware today while I was testing out a friend's web site. He uses an external redirect (www.cjb.net) to point to a web server on his computer, but it appears that they also add in there some of their own spyware programs when you visit the site. I promptly deleted all the spyware programs that were installed and cleaned out the registry of the junk they put in there, but it would seem that somehow they damaged my Internet Explorer, making it so that I could not view any web pages at ALL on IE. Yet all other aspects of network functionality on the computer are fine, MSN is still able to sign in, Putty still works fine, all other network-related programs were untouched, but even after a complete reinstall of Internet Explorer, it cannot so much as even call up Yahoo. Not really wanting to rebuild, I went to one of my linux computers and downloaded FireFox, the latest Mozilla browser. After a quick installation process during which it copied all my Favorites, preferences and Internet settings from IE, it was up and running and right away I noticed was a LOT faster than IE. I was very impressed! If you haven't already tried it and do any more than casual web browsing on your computer, I would highly recommend you give it a try. www.firefox.com is the address to get it from, it will coincide nicely with IE, Netscape, Mozilla, Opera, or any other web browsers you may already have installed. But it is a very nice option to have and I don't miss IE for a second. There is your geek tip of the day.  hehehe Now - back to work for me.January 10, 2005 - 2:19 AM  It turned out I had to take Bo's old camcorder apart a second time, the iris was working somewhat, allowing the proper amount of light to fall on the CCD chip when the ambient light was low, but I brought it outside today and everything was absolutely washed out. I actually got a pretty neat video clip (with my digital camera since it's hard to take a video clip with the camcorder you're working on...) of the iris *working* once it was all fixed up. It turns out that some moisture of some kind got into the iris, and was causing the two flaps which should normally slide effortlessly over one another, to stick. A little drying off with my special gloves fixed them right up and now it works flawlessly in all light conditions. My very first video clip taken with my new camcorder was of Madisson playing hide and seek inside some plastic things. Can you tell my technical jargon is not up to snuff tonight? hehehe. It's two thirty in the morning. Do you know where YOUR vocabulary is? hehehe Seriously though, you can click on the still image and download the entire video clip. It's only 3.3Mb long and very cute. She's such a good kid. I was looking over some of my old Pine Lake tapes now that I have a camcorder that can actually play HI8 again, and seeing *AND* hearing those memories really brought them back with that much more clarity. I need to videotape more of my life. Who knows when it might be fun to look back on something I'm doing now and laugh about it. I've got the technology now, why not use it? I think you'll see much more video posted on my web site from now on. You might need to download a DivX codec to play them though. I'd record it in MPEG but the quality just isn't there for the size of files I'd like to have. With DivX you get the best of both worlds, great video & audio quality, and small file sizes. SMALL WORLD INCIDENT - Jason and I went to BP's this evening to have a long overdue chat about all the stuff that's been going on in both our lives lately. We went into the lounge and sat down. About half the tables in the place were occupied. Well here if sitting across the room from us isn't Lorina and Andrew. Now I haven't seen Andrew since that one day I was working at Mac's (with Sylvania) at 4th and 4th downtown, and the last time I saw Lorina was at her mom's place and it must have been a good three years ago? Two and a half for sure... So I went over, sat down and caught up with them for what must have been close to an hour. I kept checking on Jason but he was on the phone most of that time. I showed her some pictures of BJ and gave them a nutshell rendition of the past 3 years of my life. I'd go visit her at work sometime but I don't shop at La Senza very often. heheh But seeing her again drove home the point that I haven't seen Lucy or Rick in quite a few months either. I drive right past their house every time I go to visit my parents and occasionally wave to Rick if he's outside at the time, but I need to go and say hi to them, maybe bring BJ over to see Lucy. She wouldn't believe how well he's aging, especially considering Duke went to doggy heaven back in April of this year. (Duke is BJ's brother, the one who always used to get mixed up with BJ. They looked SO much alike) He still carries on like a little puppy every time he gets excited and runs and finds a sock to play with or a bone. Part of me knows that his time may come sooner than anyone would like to admit, but you certainly wouldn't know it by looking at him. He's such a good puppy. Sigh I should get to bed. My head hurts. Bo and I were sitting at a stop sign today when all of a sudden, "BANG!" There was a loud bang sound accompanied by a jolt. Some kid drove his car into the back of ours. We both got out of the car, looked at the back of our car, looked at the front of his car, and just waved to him and said, "Have a good day." He looked pretty scared but it barely took the snow off Bo's bumper, let alone any paint. I'm pretty sure he didn't hit us hard enough to cause us any personal damage either, and it's too late now even if he did but there are so many fraudulant claims out there that this could very easily have been borderline had we wanted to try to claim something on it. So we just let it go and drove off. It was icy at the stop sign after all. Goodnight. January 14, 2005 - 12:39 AM Swine cheap Canadian Tire fuel pump... It doesn't seem that long ago really, it was in the middle of a freezing cold winter, minus twenties and then some... I notice my gas guage in the Red Dragon starting to fall quite quickly and the distinct aroma of petrolium permiates from the van. Could these two occurences be related? Of course they are! Their cause is in fact one and the same! And how the van doesn't spontaneously live up to it's name and breath gas-fired fury of fire from under the hood is beyond me... A quick look at the motor while it's running will tell you the story... The diaphram in the fuel pump has burst, and instead of blowing air out through the vent hole, it now sprays gas out! So as if my poor fuel economy weren't enough, the said vent hole points directly at the exhaust manifold on the engine! Which, as anyone can tell you is probably the single hottest component on the outside of the engine! Imagine that, here this super hot chunk of metal is being pressure-washed with gasoline. Does it make you cringe? I did Now I wouldn't be so concerned in the long run really, I mean - things do break down, parts wear out and need to be replaced on even the best kept engine. But does this story sound familiar? If you read my journal at all you might recall a very similar event around this same time a year ago, where the fuel pump diaphram burst and it was spraying gas onto the exhaust manifold! Now I also realize that Canadian Tire makes crap. This is not the first time I or someone I know has bought a part at Canadian Tire and been less than satisfied with it's performance. In one instance my dad returned THREE brand new (but defective) master cylinders before finally getting the fourth one that worked. But rest assured it will be the last time I buy a part from them. It's bad enough having to change a defective part, but when you have to do it in -25 weather outside, that definitely adds to the aggravation of the situation. Oh man, I'm out of Spitz too. Hmm. Well, maybe it's time to go to bed. Still. Grr! Swine fuel pumps... You know though, I really can't complain... As I was driving home tonight after replacing the pump I could not get over how many vehicles, cars, trucks, SUV's, you name it -- were sitting on the sides of the roads. In all reality, that van has been the best dollar I ever spent and even though sometimes I get a crappy part I really shouldn't complain. It has probably saved me more money in the long run than I would have ever spent, even on a new vehicle. It's a good dragon. January 17, 2005 - 6:37 AM Frustrated But there is no encouragement like a friend coming along and saying "I have faith in you!" ThanksJanuary 17, 2005 - 11:28 PM  Oh, the tangled web we weave... As if this life weren't complicated enough, you had to go and mix relationships into it. And while I consider myself fortunate to have some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for, sometimes even great friendships become complicated. Why don't people just say what they mean? Why do we have to always guess what another person is thinking or how they are feeling? And I've heard some things lately that make me shake my head and ask in disbelief the question, "Where on EARTH did that come from???" *sigh* Without getting into any details, I'm going to have to leave my vent off there. I remember a long time ago, I used to wonder what it would be like to have my own house. And I remember what it was that I'd have to do before I'd really feel like I had a place of my own. Tonight I came up with another such event that will signify the time at which I will have finally, 'truly' ventured out on my own into the world. For the longest time, I always wondered what it would be like to shave in my own bathroom. To look in the steamy mirror at my shaving cream covered face, razor in hand and pause .. just for a moment .. to smile ever so slightly and look around at MY bathroom. Tonight I worked late again and when I came home I made some soup to eat before getting ready for bed. It was as I was cleaning up the dishes that I relized another moment yet to come in my life where I will stop and reflect. Some day, I will be scrubbing MY pots in MY own kitchen sink looking out MY kitchen window. What a pleasant thought
to dream of that day.Last night I went to Luke's church with him, Bo, and Madisson. (Maddy played in the nursery during the service but somehow bumped her head so they paged Bo to come and get her.) The topic of the sermon was actually something I've thought about for years - how in order to accomplish anything in life, you've got to dream today about what you want to see for [yourself] - but then start working towards that today! If you want to be a doctor in 10 years, don't wait until then to start going to school! In order to make your dreams come true you've got to act on them, move towards them, prepare yourself to achieve them today! The other part of the sermon was kind of like looking in the other direction - asking those who have lived what they would do differently in their life, and then do it yourself now, while you're young, while you have the time and while you still have the opportunity. If you've ever caught yourself saying, "If I knew then what I know now..." then you probably know what I mean. Only instead of posing hypothetical, impossible to change the past questions, why not ask someone who has lived a bit more than you and learn from their experience before you do something you might otherwise regret? If you ask me, there is some real wisdom in that, and I know myself well enough to know that some day I will look back on THIS and go, "Man I should have listened to myself!! I had the right idea, why didn't I follow through with it?" I'm starting into my 6th year of online journalling in this web site. Can you believe that? I sure can't! It doesn't seem nearly that long, but when I go back and read through old entries, it really brings back where I was and illustrates how far I've come (or how far I still need to go!) Why is it we all have such wonderful, practical advice for everyone else's situations and yet we cannot even solve the simplest of problems in our own lives? January 18, 2005 - 11:19 PM Happy Birthday Becky! What a day. I don't think I've been as busy at work as I have been lately, but I'm still getting a lot done. Juggling many things throughout the day gets a teensy bit stressful at times, from working on the software component of a program I'm writing to take over the management of 2/3rd's of our plant's day to day operations, entertaining sales reps from competing vendors and trying to make a good purchase on a new photocopier, coordinating the purchasing of supplies to expand the surveilance system at work, checking the surveillance system at work, not to mention fixing all the little annoyances that pop up throughout the day on everyone's desktop PC's... I find that the time I spend tucked away in the dark but quiet server room is among the most peaceful in my day. Tonight I stopped by my parents' house and played air hockey with my brother for several hours. I had forgotten how much fun that game was, it's been several years since I played it! *sigh* So then I took BJ for a really long walk and we ended up going past Rick & Lucy's place so I stopped in so that Lucy could see BJ and she could not BELIEVE how young he looked! "He looks like a puppy still!" she said. Duke, BJ's brother died back in April of old age! And yet for a good 45 minutes or more, BJ pulled me along as we went for our walk. We hit two parks, me jogging, him running from tree to tree, bush to bush, stump of grass to stump of grass. It's so cute too, every so often he'd find a scent but he'd have to dig in the snow to get a better reading on it. He's such a cute puppy! And then even when we got back to the house he chased me around the kitchen until he finally caught me and I gave him his Milkbone. Then he went and found the ONLY bit of clothing, a single shirt or something about that size on the floor, and went and ate his bone on it. The fog out tonight cast a strange mood over the neighbourhood. As I walked along those paths I've known since I was very young, it was hard not to let the mind wander into the past. I passed the house Kendra used to live in. Saw the sidewalk I did a catwalk off while she watched from the belcony. Of course, I had just put the bike together and hadn't tightened the quick-release on the front wheel, so it fell off and I landed on my face, comforted only by the pleasant sound of her laughter at my misfortune. Man, I would have been a Paperboy still at that time. Working for the Calgary Sun, delivering the news 7 days a week. In fact, the very first day I started that job was the very first day the Sun put out a Saturday paper. Anyone remember that? They used to be a 6 day paper, but on October 1, 1994 they began publishing a paper 7 days a week, and I began delivering it. A lot of memories in those streets. Interestinly enough, I was at Kendra's house one afternoon after school, and just as I was leaving, Red haired Steve hit me with a pitcher of water as I jumped off the belcony where Kendra had watched me fall off my bike. From there I went, sopping wet over to Becky's for the very first time, and we jumped on her trampoline in her back yard. If you look at the Artwork page you can see a drawing of that same trampoline. Eventually some kids slashed it with a knife. I believe they did get it fixed though but she sold it some time ago. It's funny how going for a walk through a park can bring back so many memories. If I ever do find someone, I hope she likes going for long walks. Morning, daytime, evening, even night time. And we'll have to get a dog. I had a wonderful dream last night, something along those lines actually. It was so good and still felt so close for so long this morning, I was very tempted to crawl back into bed and see if I couldn't get back into the dream. But dreams should motivate us to an end, not become that end. And now I will end. The end. January 22, 2005 - 10:01 AM Eating an egg isn't all it's cracked up to be... Last night I went shopping for a 24v transformer so that my dad and I could finish putting his rebuilt furnace together. I went to Canadian Tire because it was closer (despite all my reservations about that place...) and of course, it turned out that they didn't have the one I wanted... They have plenty of 16v transformers but no 24v. So I drove down the road to Home Depot where I was sure they'd have the 24v ones. Of course, they did so I picked one off the shelf and was walking up to the front to pay for it when my eye caught one of the employees. It seems that I run into people I know EVERYWHERE! Here if it wasn't Rachel. Seems' I know a lot of Rachels, so before you get confused (if you didn't already click on the link) This Rachel is a friend of mine from years and years ago. In fact, I met her on the very first youth event I ever went on with Grace Baptist Church. We went to Harvest Moon in Edmonton, and that was the time I ran into Raedene WHILE I was on my way out of the park to go call her! The world is a crazy, tiny little place. But anyways, I lost my jacket, that black leather one with all the flags on it *somewhere* in NABC park, which was full of about 2000 people at the time all watching a concert. Rachel helped me look for it and eventually we knelt down on the ground in the midst of several thousand screaming, partying people, prayed, and when we returned to where our group was camped - there was the jacket sitting on top of all our stuff. It was really cool. I would have been in grade 10 at the time. But anyways, here if she doesn't work at Home Depot now. We talked for a bit. Her dad had a stroke a few months ago and is recovering in the hospital right now. Actually, I can't remember if I wrote about this or not but my dad's mom in England isn't doing too good either, and my dad is preparing to fly out there for three weeks. She is 95 and a half years old. I had something else to write about but I'm afraid it will have to wait now. I promised James I'd go over to his house and help him set up Fedora Core and he's bugging me to get a move on. I've got a pretty busy day ahead of me. January 25, 2005 - 12:06 AM I went up on the roof of our plant today and discovered two wonderful pleasures up there. First of all there is an incredible view from that roof... (Well, not spectacular - but it's more than you can see from the ground! haha) But second, there are these large, (if I had to guess I'd say probably 18" in diameter) vents that stand up on the roof, fed by the dryers inside the plant. They're the commercial equivelant of the dryer vent on the side of your house. Well, picture me up there, standing under one of these things, eyes closed with a huge grin on my face in nostalgaic bliss as I breath in the sweet scent of hot, fresh laundry, completely engulfed in wonderfully warm air. It reminded me of when I was little and we used to walk over to Tent Town, aka Green Acres to do our laundry. There's just something about the smell of fresh laundry that I just love. It seems whenever I ride through Pineridge the whole neighbourhood smells like fresh laundry too. And sometimes people's houses will smell like it as well. Becky's house smells like fresh laundry and I love it. hehehe But on a more practical note, as I was up there basking in the warm air that is blasted out into the atmosphere for 10 - 16 hours a day, I thought to myself, "There has to be a way to harness some of this heat we're generating, paying big money (in terms of natural gas) to produce, and yet expelling at an enormous rate - especially when it's - 30 outside and we've got to light little propane heaters around the plant to try to keep things (and people) from freezing. You'd think there would be a way to reclaim at least SOME of that heat... Strange discovery of the day... So I went just now to my fridge down here in the basement (the big fridge, not my little beer fridge) and it is completely FULL of milk. Like I mean FULL! So I'm not sure what that's all about... but it was very strange. 2:07 am And the night mare rides on... January 26, 2005 - 3:13 AM Well that was WAY more fun than reading through a page of '%20's... So I'm driving home this evening, coming along Deerfoot Trail. Now, there comes a point in everyone's driving career when they look at that fuel gauge and ask themselves the question, "Can I make it?" Well, tonight at about 2:30 am, I found out the answer to that question was NO! hahaha So I coasted to a stop, pulled over (though not necessarily in that order) and put on the four-ways... Now, unlike most other motorists in the same perdiciment, who might have otherwise been in a fair bit of trouble, (It's late, it's dark, there's no gas stations around for miles, any cars that ARE driving by are doing so at 120 kilometers per hour and it sounds like you're on the side of the Indy 500) - I was not worried, not at all in the least. Because as the famed Wesley said, "I know something that you do not." (And what is that? "I'm not left handed!") Hahaha no, that's not what I know that you do not. But what is a lesser known fact is that I carry a jerry can for just such an occasion. So I pulled it out, filled the van tank and was on my way. But still, it added a little bit more adventure to an already very interesting night. And as Zorro (in The Mask of Zorro) says right after the line where he insults Captain Love, "Forgive me Captain Love, a shameless joke at your expense. _ ____ __ ____ ___ __ ___ ____. hehe - There's a bit of movie trivia for you. Oh, and boo on Yahoo! I logged in to check my mail the other day? They had deleted my account and all my saved messages for lack of activity. I had a lot of mail saved there! Like, mail from a WAY back when! Back when some STD's were good for you! Like a man with a hole in his tent on a rainy night, I was NOT a happy camper! (Hmm, I seem to be making a lot of allusions and comparisons tonight. Strange. Must be the milkshake.) But anyways, it's now 3:36 AM and I'm still wide awake... I think I should probably try to get to sleep. But for what it's worth, thank-you. It was fun. Goodnight.
January 26, 2005 - 2:07 PM Today is the contemplative day, where I try to make sense of everything going on around me. If it weren't so dangerous, I'd just post my private diary. But we've all seen what happens when I let people read that text... It definitely helps having someone to talk to though. I didn't even realize how similar in detail certain recent events were to certain distant events of the same nature. History really does repeat itself sometimes. Swine history. It's really foggy outside today. I think it's all the humidity from our dryers. hehehe "Beam me up!" I've been kind of diggin' some different kinds of tunes lately. Kind of a mood thing. Variety is good. I can't even think straight right now. The thoughts, they do wander. My mind is in a much happier place. Who can I tell the things I keep inside? Who can I reveal every secret to? Would I be dreaming if someone were to be found? If I moved or took in too much air I might awaken and find myself alone again, clinging to memories of places I've never been and people I've never known. Sometimes I just write for the sake of putting out words. Other times I write because it's a release. At times I feel better afterwards, but sometimes I leave the keyboard even more confused. I'm just trying to figure it all out. January 27, 2005 - 1:40 AM Tomorrow my dad will be flying to England for almost 4 weeks. His mother, who's 95 and a half has taken a turn for the worse, and the family living in England sounded the garisson bell, contacting all her children living abroad and recommending they all come to England for what could be their last goodbye's. While getting things packed tonight, I asked my dad if he was excited about going to England. He paused for a moment, then looked up at me above the rim of his glasses and said in a low tone, "I'm not looking forward to this at all." Although nobody has said it, and understandably nobody wants to say it, they're all expecing her to pass away sometime in the next couple of weeks. I can't imagine what that must be like for him. I remember waiting at the nursing home for some sign of improvement in my grandpa, my mom's dad, a few years ago. But every day his condition seemed to worsen. As he was in a coma, all we had to rely on was his breathing and the grip of his right hand which seemed to grasp and hang onto the hand of anyone who would hold his. One way or another, this will be the last time he sees his mom on this Earth, and he is going to England to say goodbye.  January 29, 2005 - 9:01 AM Breakforth 2005  At the moment I'm sitting in my hotel room in Edmonton getting ready to go to the conference's morning activities but I thought I'd post an update today since nobody is expecting it! hahaha Horray for hotels with wireless internet! I'll post a much more
detailed update probably tonight after 10 sometime when I get back. It's pretty good so far...
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